Public Speaking = Disaster(s)

I wish there was a montage of every crappy presentation/public speaking debut I’ve ever had the misfortune of being involved in. Really, I just need to start recording this sh*& from now on.

Laughter has been known to cure people and, since I am not a doctor, a montage of all my public speaking capers could be my contribution to humanity. 

Since I do not have a video record, here is my best recollection of speech “bloopers” in my life thus far:

“Can I just be done?” 14 years, 8th grade, speech about something Science related. My hands were shaking, reading the note cards was like reading in the car while driving down a gravel road. The teacher just shook her head, and I continued… though the rest of the memory is white noise. It reminded me of when an elementary school gym teacher (some you reading this will remember him-last name rhymes with “SmoLuger”) decided that I could not strike out of a baseball game, then proceeded to pitch the ball to me an infinite number of times while my classmates sat or laid down on the grass. 

“Wow, this really bad.” 21 years. Speech class Freshman year of college. Though, I did improve as the class wore on. B’s get degrees as they say. And I was topped here, for worst speech, by a classmate who had dyed his hair blue for homecoming. Rather than being real shaking, like me, his thing was sweating. As the sweat poured out of his forehead, it changed color. By the end his face was streaked with the terribleness that is public speaking. 

“In closing, I just want to apologize for this.” 24 years. Graduate school for school counseling. The rest of the class was filled with teachers changing careers. Needless to say, they gave some stunning presentations. Powerpoint turns out to be worse than notecards in terms of flipping back and forth and all and all forgetting what I was even talking about. 

“I need some air.” 24 or 25 years old at my job teaching curriculum to people with cognitive disabilities. I’m actually not sure if I said anything or not. I might have said nothing prior to walking from the dry erase board out the back door, where I stood sobbing against the side of the building for awhile, then walked around to the front. As I stepped back into the building, I pretended I had time traveled 3 years into the future.

“Hmm. I read the book.” 31 years last Monday night. One good positive step is that I remember the whole thing. I think it would have helped if I had practiced it in front of a mirror or something. I’m also, now, aware that the reason I don’t put the time into practicing a speech is because I don’t even want to think about it. Procrastination does NOT help! Oh well. All my papers and exams have come back good. The presentation doesn’t break me. Again, B’s get degrees 🙂

Ps. My YMCA membership goes off “hold” on Dec. 1st. Yea! I’m ready to rock that treadmill, while my kids play in the care center.