Life Without Montages

I wish there was a montage of every crappy presentation/public speaking debut I’ve ever had the misfortune of being involved in. Really, I just need to start recording this sh*& from now on.

Laughter has been known to cure people and, since I am not a doctor, a montage of all my public speaking capers could be my contribution to humanity. 

Since I do not have a video record, here is my best recollection of speech “bloopers” in my life thus far:

“Can I just be done?” 14 years, 8th grade, speech about something Science related. My hands were shaking, reading the note cards was like reading in the car while driving down a gravel road. The teacher just shook her head, and I continued… though the rest of the memory is white noise. It reminded me of when an elementary school gym teacher (some you reading this will remember him-last name rhymes with “SmoLuger”) decided that I could not strike out of a baseball game, then proceeded to pitch the ball to me an infinite number of times while my classmates sat or laid down on the grass. 

“Wow, this really bad.” 21 years. Speech class Freshman year of college. Though, I did improve as the class wore on. B’s get degrees as they say. And I was topped here, for worst speech, by a classmate who had dyed his hair blue for homecoming. Rather than being real shaking, like me, his thing was sweating. As the sweat poured out of his forehead, it changed color. By the end his face was streaked with the terribleness that is public speaking. 

“In closing, I just want to apologize for this.” 24 years. Graduate school for school counseling. The rest of the class was filled with teachers changing careers. Needless to say, they gave some stunning presentations. Powerpoint turns out to be worse than notecards in terms of flipping back and forth and all and all forgetting what I was even talking about. 

“I need some air.” 24 or 25 years old at my job teaching curriculum to people with cognitive disabilities. I’m actually not sure if I said anything or not. I might have said nothing prior to walking from the dry erase board out the back door, where I stood sobbing against the side of the building for awhile, then walked around to the front. As I stepped back into the building, I pretended I had time traveled 3 years into the future.

“Hmm. I read the book.” 31 years last Monday night. One good positive step is that I remember the whole thing. I think it would have helped if I had practiced it in front of a mirror or something. I’m also, now, aware that the reason I don’t put the time into practicing a speech is because I don’t even want to think about it. Procrastination does NOT help! Oh well. All my papers and exams have come back good. The presentation doesn’t break me. Again, B’s get degrees 🙂

Ps. My YMCA membership goes off “hold” on Dec. 1st. Yea! I’m ready to rock that treadmill, while my kids play in the care center.

A special guy is 4 years old today! Enjoy this mega block city and its prince and princess 🙂We are heading out to celebrate in a little while. When my husband and I were waiting for Sam friends and family told us that our lives were going to change. Here are just a few of the things I’ve learned as a parent in the past 4 years.

• Sing everything! “GET IN THE CAR!” is easier on the ears when its set in song.
• Its not what you look like, its what you are like. Basically, it’s pointless to worry about what other people think about you. If you hulk-out at the library, because your child decides to wander out of storytime without asking you, it doesn’t matter what opinions others are forming of you (if they are at all) as long as you are doing your best to help a tiny human grow into a healthy, happy adult.
• Let things go. There is a reason that forgiveness is a cornerstone is more than one religion. Remember to forgive yourself as well.
• Childbirth is an amazing experience, but nature is not kind. Use the drugs or don’t use the drugs, there are pros and cons on either side.
• There are many sides to every story. Listen as much as you can, then form your own imperfect opinions.
• Being sad does not change the world. If you watch a news program or read a sorrowful article, ask yourself if there is one tiny action you can take towards a solution. Then do it.

That’s all for now. I could do a whole post on tips for removing unwanted grey neck hairs. Do you have any parenting or life tips to share?

There’s an old phrase: “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound?”

For me, it should be, “If a tree falls in the forest and I’m not there to hear it, does it still make a sound?”

Why do I always throw myself into so many things, as though there were no one else on earth who could do them? 

More on this later…

“We must never think any one of us is indispensable.” -Mother Teresa

“Bundona”–slang term in 1997, used to describe my rear in Brazil (spelling unknown). Roughly translated, it means big butt owner in Portuguese. I’ve probably mentioned this before. This was either the worst insult or the greatest compliment I’ve ever received, depending on your cultural viewpoint. At the time, I found the comment shocking and not at all a good thing. 

These days, however, I’m quite fond of it. 

In unrelated news: (or somewhat related) I was thinking back on that first year, when Sam was a baby, and I was working full-time. 

I used to come home and wonder why Randy didn’t take better care of his appearance. 

These days, it seems like he and I are in a Crazy Hair Contest…and I am pulling into the lead!

I guess, as more important things crop up, or maybe just as priorities change, the way I look matters less and less.

My body has become this vechicle that gets me to where I need to go, to who I want to hold, and what I want to build. 

4/5/2012

Dear Dad,

Hope things are going well for you. This has been a busy year for my family and myself. Since my last letter, we have had a new addition to our family. Yep! We had a girl. Her name is Ariel and she’s so much fun. Sam is loving being a big brother. He’s a showboat/superstar just like I was (and still am!) so he enjoys pointing out all the awesome tricks he can do and letting Ariel know, “You can do it, too. When you’re bigger.”

I’ve just started grad school. The long-term game plan is to become a Marriage & Family Therapist. Also, I’m training for a team race called One Tough Mudder this fall.

We also bought another house. New baby, new house…right? Go big or go home, I guess 🙂 Randy is fixing it up and we’re going to rent it.

I’m on the board of directors at my local co-op. I created a pretty nice looking spring newsletter for them.   I’ve been going to church more this year. I’m trying to give of my time, talent, and treasure. My major goal this year is to become a better listener. This has been on the docket for a number of years, but I feel I’ve made considerable progress recently.

Anyway…10% of the time the excitement around here sometimes makes me want to drink coffee and hide in my basement pretending not to hear anyone hollering, “Mom!” or “Terra!” 90% of the time, though, I feel pretty f-ing happy. More happy than I’ve ever been.

Its weird. Popular culture would have us believe that the younger and better looking you are the more joyful you’ll be. Imagine my surprise that the shabbier my appearance…white neck hairs, purple claw marks on the sides of my belly, etc…the jollier I’ve become.

There’s more to tell, but the neighbor kids are here and they brought a friend. We’re going outside to sit in the sun and create cardboard box homes for some little toy bunnies the neighbor girl brought with her. Their friend is stalking the battery powered 4-wheeler, that he and his dad threw in a dumpster next to our house, that Randy pulled out of the dumpster and re-built so it is now cooler and faster.

I miss you everyday, but especially on this date each year. I miss your corny jokes, your laugh, your handsome smile and love of the outdoors. I sometimes watch home videos to hear the way your voice sounded. I used to think you chose to leave us, but now I know that mental illness is just as deadly as cancer…and doctors can’t always cure it. Thanks for trying as hard as you did. I am glad for the time we got to spend with you.

See you on the flip-side, when I am completely filled with joy and look like an old, wort-faced toad person.

Hugs,

Terra

PS. By the way, I still don’t like “America’s Funniest Home Videos” or any form of slap-stick comedy, but I would have liked to have watched it with you.

But you probably know that already.

1. Whenever someone says, “Hi!” or tries to strike up a conversation with you make sure your face looks like a cat jumping out of a dumpster: frightened and oh-so-guilty. 
2. Never, ever remember a person’s name. Better yet, forget you’ve met at all and reintroduce yourself each time you meet.
3. Ask if the potential friend has kids. When they say that they weren’t able to have kids… continue with what you had planned to say, that its nice to spend a day away from your kids.
4. Do not listen. Think about  groceries, how you’re going to pay for grad school, or why you have white neck hairs, but avoid letting any new info creep in.
5. Talk about yourself constantly. This will also help you to not remember anyone.
6. Think about how you look. Really. Because everyone cares about the pimple in your left eyebrow.
7. Complain. About your chores, your kids, your spouse, the weather. anything and everything!
8. Don’t wear deodorant. 
9. Make a polarizing political statement-I haven’t tried this one is years, but I’ll bet it still works.
10. Believe that you know it all. 

One of the many things I have learned from my husband is to be inspired by the accomplishments of others.

My previous practice, when confronted by a person who was stronger (physically or emotionally), kinder, making more money than me, and/or more beautiful (physically or emotionally) than me…was to feel intimidated and usually jealous.

Feeling small would lead me to get really down on myself while at the same time searching for flaws in the other person as well as avoiding such better people whenever possible.

Turns out there are loads of individuals who are more skilled than me in many areas such as (but not limited to): cooking, writing, running, public speaking, math and/or problem solving in general, smiling/having positive outlook.

Once, and please forgive me for being repetitive as I may have already told you this story, I was leading a group at my former place of employment called, “World of Work.” It was a series about figuring out what type of work a person might like, how to create a resumé, how to go about finding a job, etc. What drew me to this material was the rapid rate at which I was burning out in my own professional life. Participants of this group were adult persons with developmental disabilities. Some of the people had been in-house for awhile, waiting for a community based job placement (doing dishes, cleaning offices, etc.), and found my yammering on about the “World of Work” a bit much.

Others enjoyed, or at least tolerated, daydreaming with me. One young man, when asked about his ideal job, said that he’d like to work in a government office.

Asked why he responded, “Because then I’d be important.”

Like drop of food coloring in a cup of water, (hey, Easter’s coming!) his answer changed my perspective.

Many times in life we act as though external achievements give us value.

The truth, I believe, is that we are born as important or valuable as we ever will be. Tie that belief in with the concept that we are all born of equal value. Even as we travel together, through life, succeeding and making mistakes-the level of worth remains the same.

Anyway, I’ve strayed from my original point. How I frequently (less often these days) would get discouraged by the abilities and accomplishments of others.

My husband has advised me to try the following when encountering individuals who are better than me at this or that:

Learn from them. Ask questions about how they got from A to B. More often than not, people are eager to share with you. Many of us are compelled to pass on knowledge. It feels good to be an “expert” on something.

One of my challenges is that I toss back and forth on the ship of Knowledge. Sometimes it feels like I know so many things. But more often it feels like I know nothing at all.

Its more cozy knowing things. I feel safe and warm in my-I guess you could call it “rightness”.  And it is a HUGE bummer when I find out I was completely wrong about something I was sure I knew.

Thinking on this, while recently running in a road race, I took stock of all the people running ahead of me, behind me, alongside me. These words popped into my head:

Be inspired, inspire.

When I see others giving running ahead of me, I have a choice to make. To get down on myself because I am not that fast or to be inspired.

And in choosing to be inspired there is a possibility that my own efforts might inspire someone else.

In short, the two concepts listed below give me something to hold on to when I feel myself spiraling into a total freakout about how everyone seems to know so much more than me:

1. Learn from others.
2. Be inspired, inspire.

Sincerely,

Terra Rose

PS. I had the above photo in my files. Does anyone know who took it? Its nice. Great job, whoever!

Okay, I shouldn’t say “no one”…there is the tiniest possibility that your dream to hop a flight to France and start a new life is completely legitimate.

But it is way more likely that you are just fanticizing about getting the heck outta here, because this is a dumpy time of year.

Now, I’m not going to look up statistics or even google any real facts. Because I’m grumpy and tired. But if you are thinking of making any major life decisions right now or even if you are judging the success or your life or truly “thinking deeply” about anything at all…I must ask you to reconsider! I am not a doctor of any kind, but I believe that Seasonal Affect Disorder is quite common in varying degrees of seriousness.

The past few weeks, I’ve had several mood swings. For the first half of the day, I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING! then-anytime after 3pm-I transform into a total Mombie (which is a word I made up. Its a Mom that feels like a Zombie).

Yesterday, I was woken from a nightmare that I was crammed in the basement of a monastery during World War II. Some of my fellow refugees and I were hallowing out our mattresses in case we needed to hide our kids in there. Lucky for me, Sam woke up at 2am to crawl in bed with us.

I barely even minded that, with the four of us, my head landed between the two pillows. It was just good to be back in reality and safe with my family.

Sorry this is kinda choppy, I am unable to smooth out my points as someone is screaming something about a Snack in my general direction. But my basic point is this, try not to ruminate about your life this time of year. Come spring, everything will be bright again 🙂

Also, feel free to laugh about this: I did not even know what the word “ruminate” meant until I saw it written multiple times in some paperwork my college counselor(s) wrote about me.

Hugs, Terra

The picture is of Sam, Ariel’s and my sister’s new baby.

Welcome to my new blog! MobileMe closed down, so here I am. I put up one post from last year about turning 30, otherwise its going to be all new stories.

I was just evaluating my resolutions from last year. Usually, I set my goals on New Year’s Eve, but Randy & I ate a tower of wings at Green Mill and I exploded from both ends…bringing the night to an early end.

Anyway. Here’s last year:

My New Year Resolutions:

1. Write three things I’m grateful for each morning in my journal.
2. Get up every weekday by 6:00am
3. Read book and go to community ed book club.
4. Read classics. Starting with “War and Peace”
5. Write on my blog once per week.
6. Attend Spin Class once per week at the YMCA
7. Do my hip exercises once per week.
8. Clean my car.
9. Quit Facebook

Three out of eight were accomplished. Not to shabby. Looking in my journal, I see that I dropped off on writing the 3 things I’m grateful for in the beginning of May. That will be a good one to reinstate.

New Year’s Resolutions: 2012

1. Write three things I’m grateful for prior to each journal entry.
2. Try one recipe each week.
3. Track my finances once per week.
4. Do the plank exercise for 2 minutes following each run.
5. Start Graduate school for Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy.
6. Get Theresa back on her own blog.
7. Hug my kids every morning.
8. Pray every night.
9. Take deep breaths whenever I notice myself getting anxious.
10. Lose remaining pregnancy weight, 8 pounds.

What are your New Year’s Resolutions?