This has been a theme lately. It isn’t just ADHD…sometimes it’s Autism or Anxiety or Depression. A great deal of research goes into the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), so I’m not starting out my monologue saying that the aforementioned aren’t real. These are real difficulties that have affected human beings for as long as we’ve been around.
The names have changed, but people have always had struggles with mental health.
Some of the work in the field of mental health has been and is really positive, especially the study of learning disabilities. Think of that picture of a kid with a dunce hat sitting in the corner, in the front of the school room. Yep-that was a teacher’s best idea at the time.
We want to look at the people around us and see them (and ourselves) with compassion. That is the best way.
With compassion and love comes boundaries. This means that love isn’t just agreeing with others. We need to be able to say, “I don’t agree with what you said” or “I’m still looking into that..thanks for sharing your opinion.”
My opinion is that people have been seeking mental healthcare and receiving diagnoses…as though that were the finish line. People say things like, “I guess that’s just my ADHD brain” or “I told him, ‘I have clinical anxiety!'” Even kids attach themselves to these diagnoses, “I have a very special brain. I have ADHD!”
These diagnoses aren’t meant to be a such a large part of a person’s identity.
I don’t think so anyway.
A diagnosis is a starting point for recognizing where a person is struggling/hurting/impaired. It’s a starting point for setting goals. I think that’s true for any medical diagnosis. If you get a diagnosis of Diabetes, your doctor is going to make some recommendations of interventions for you to do. Some of those are medications and some are lifestyle changes.
Mental health is the same. A doctor can help you with the medication side of things. A therapist can help you with the cognitive and lifestyle changes.
Please, do not show up to a therapy appointment and say, “I just want someone to talk to.”
No.
If you really do not have anyone to talk to, a cognitive and lifestyle goal would be to explore why you currently don’t have trusted persons in your life that you can confide in.
Explore why and be ready to build skills for finding friends you trust and being a friend others can trust.
There is no shame in not having the skills you need. You might not even know what I mean by “skills.” Learning to listen to other people is a skill. Identifying warning signs that someone is an unsafe/untrustworthy person is a skill. Learning to share your thoughts and emotions with trusted others is a skill.
Everyone can build skills!
Love,
Terra Rose
Life Without Montages 