During a lunch break, I thought I’d walk over to a local cafe and order soup. I picked soup, because I remember it being a quick item from when I was a waitress. The steps, as I know them are: 1) Take the person’s order 2) Walk over to the soup container 3) Take out a bowl 4) Put soup into the bowl 5) Give to the customer. These steps take, maybe…maybe…5-7 minutes…and that’s being generous.
You can probably guess where I’m going with this. 15 minutes later, I am still waiting. I’m starting to think, “Does fresh bread come with the soup?
Are they making that bread right now?”
I used to hate these kind of moments, but now I value them. It’s that moment where I can see how easily I could lose my temper. If I went with my first impulse, my actions would look something like this: pacing, huffing, and asking, “How LONG does it take to make soup?” and/or waiting until I get my soup and asking, “Is there something else I can get, next time, that wouldn’t take so long?”
What I’ve learned is that Thoughts effect Emotions and emotions effect Actions/Behaviors. It’s called The Cognitive Triangle.
My thought in this story is: Making soup has only a few steps and should be here in 5-7 minutes. My emotions (after 5-7 minutes have long since passed) are: Mad, frustrated, disgust?…a bit, and sad. Sad, because I feel like I’ve been tricked. The skill becomes replacing my first thought with multiple alternatives. Here are some alternatives/possibilities: Maybe they don’t keep soup in a container that stays warm (like when I was a waitress)? Maybe the soup here comes out of the freezer? Maybe they don’t believe in or have a microwave here? Maybe the cook just had a baby and can barely get through the day? Maybe there were call-in orders that need to get prepped before my order? Maybe I can just eat somewhere else next time?
If I can get myself going with multiple alternatives, I usually wear myself out. As well, I try to go with the most compassionate of the thoughts. At which point, my emotions can go from mad to understanding or at able to tolerate a situation that I don’t fully understand. Then, my actions/behavior changes from the above pacing, huffing, comments to simply texting my sister: “Fooled me twice. How long does it take to make soup???!!!”
Because, yes, this has happened twice. What the heck?!!!! Okay, I’m not totally over it. But you get the idea.
I do wonder, though, if there is any kind way to ask about the situation. Is this a normal amount of wait time for soup? Am I off and need to change my expectations?
At any rate, I was able to walk away without behaving like a total ass…which is a win! The person even said, “I’m sorry for the wait” in a tone (I’ve gotten better at hearing tones over the years) that said she was not sorry AT ALL. I took my soup calmly and walked away.
Ever onwards! With Love,
Terra Rose Knoble
Life Without Montages 