5 to 1

According to Gottman, an easy, helpful thing we all can do for our relationships with our partners, children, co-workers, and neighbors is 5 to 1. A ratio of 5 gratitude or kind statements for every 1 task/request/critique statement.

I’m going to do some research to see if the same is studied about internal dialogues. For every task/request/critique I have about myself, would it be possible for me to identify 5 things about myself that I’ve done well?

When Sam was a baby, and I was a first time Mom, I kept a list of things I would try to do each day. Instead of just checking off items, I would write something encouraging next to each one. It sort of depressed me at first, cheerleading myself to complete tasks. “I should just be able to do these,” I would think. But shoulds are rarely, if every, helpful. Gradually, writing nice things to myself did help and eventually life got easier.

Thanks for reading!

Hugs,

Terra