Some years ago, I shared with you that my three biggest concerns can be summed up into this non-dictontionary related word:
“Kidjobold”
I wanted to look back at my first Kidjobold post from 2005 or so, but I’m uncertain how to re-open my old blog and compare what I’m feeling now to what I was feeling at that time. I thought I saved the entries somewhere before the other site shut down, but I’m not certain and I only have a few more minutes before my favorite storm hits.
Anyway.
The Big Three:
Kid
Should we have a kid(s)? When should we have a kid? These questions used to swirl around in my head non-stop before Sammy came into our lives. This concern doesn’t trouble me in the same way as it once did…now that we have been blessed by two crazy red heads!
Now, I am a parent. “Kid” now means making sure my children are safe, that they know they are loved, and that I am teaching them every good piece of knowledge in my brain
Job
We need money in order to eat, but Job in Kidjobold isn’t about pulling in a paycheck. Its about vocation. What are my talents and how can use what I’ve been given in the best possible way? Of course, you can bring kindness with you into any place of employment. You don’t have to have your dream job in order to be happy. I find that I am happiest when I feel productive, when I can look around and see what I’ve accomplished. My job right now is raising my kids. Its hard, sometimes, having a job where your boss literally sh*ts on you. Then, again it melts my heart when I hear Sam says, “Ariel, are you my friend?” and I hear her say, “Yeah!”
Also, and a bit unrelated, I was reading somewhere that most people aren’t all that great at guessing what will make them happy. The other day, the kids and I took a stroll down to the beach and the DNR were measuring and tagging a Paddlefish. He was a beautiful monster. They asked us if we wanted to touch his slippery skin, and surprisingly none of us were scared to. When I close my eyes, now, and picture that fish…its my happy place. I felt honored to have seen him. If you had asked me even one minute before I saw the paddlefish whether or not this experience would make me happy I would not have said yes.
I could not have guessed how I would feel.
I have been blessed to have had many moments like that throughout my life. But they are, more often than not, unplanned. Before I quit my job to become I stay at home parent, I thought what I’m doing now would be a blast. While being a parent is extremely meaningful, it is also exhausting. Mentally, physically, emotionally, many days (like right now!) I feel totally drained. Somehow, despite my hard work, I still manage to be five pounds over weight.
Old
We are here for a limited time only. I ache for every minute I waste. I wish I could say more about this…but “Diego!” is over and I get to read some stories before two little cuties pass out for the night (or three hours, then crawl into my bed).
Hugs!
Terra
Life Without Montages 